Firsts and Lasts

In case you haven't heard yet, I'm finally leaving for South America. I got my act together, did all the things I needed to do, and worked up some courage. Still can't really believe it!

Preparing for a trip like this is much different than preparing for any old vacation, as it turns out. Aside from the obvious logistics, (packing far more clothes, taking an extended leave of absence from work, etc...), there are the emotional implications. All this last week I kept having "lasts." My last lunch with so-and-so, my last classes at Berlitz, my last time driving my car (still can't believe I sold the trusty Corolla), my last hour and a half spent traversing the 405. Granted, there are certainly some things I will miss more than others, but it's still odd to do them knowing I won't again for some months. Four months alternately seems like forever and a blink of an eye, depending on who I'm speaking to.

I'm packing some things now, and as my room slowly becomes more and more empty, the full force of what this trip means is starting to hit me. It'll be the first time I'm so far away from my family for an extended period of time. The first time I won't be able to just pick up the phone or drive over to see all the people I love. The first time I let myself put everything on hold for a while, be a little less than entirely productive all the time, and see where life takes me. I've discovered it is not just possible, but sometimes downright probable, to feel both scared and anxious and excited and enthusiastic at the same time. What can I say, I'm a multi-tasker.

Almost everything is ready. Almost all the goodbyes are said, the bags are almost all packed, and all the little things are almost all done. With the hard part over, all I do now is wait for Tuesday.